My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
