i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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