Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
