i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
