I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
