dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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