I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
3 2 1 whiskey
How does one acquire holy water?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
