You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
