Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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