My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
