I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
