note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
