It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
