My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
