It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize