this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
