we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
