whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
