Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
