any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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