Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
