So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
