Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Couch. On fire.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
