official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
