ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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