Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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