OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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