You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm at about main and main street
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
