She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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