just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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