I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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