My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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