Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Randomize
