There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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