Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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