South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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