I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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