come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
