you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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