My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
