You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
