omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
