here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
being pregnant is like rehab
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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