Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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