i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
