You're so nebulous sometimes
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
