There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
