i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
