dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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