If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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