Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
