Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
