A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So much rum. So many feels.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
