Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
