Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
