Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
