I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
