so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
