how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
