Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
