all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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