He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
