So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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