R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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