When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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